


Romeo, Oh Romeo, Wherefore Art Thou Such An Idiot?

by tattooeddevil



Category: Actor RPF, Star Trek RPF, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Romance, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 14:43:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/941214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattooeddevil/pseuds/tattooeddevil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris is not that big of a klutz, honest. But whenever Zach is around he suffers from a very special kind of awkward. So naturally, he blurts out Zach’s secret and confesses his love for the man in the same breath, just because he is awesome like that. Right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Romeo, Oh Romeo, Wherefore Art Thou Such An Idiot?

It was still early, the store empty and silent, except for Chris’s own footsteps making their way down the Science Fiction aisle to the English Literature aisle, and the squeaky wheels of the cart stacked with new books he was pushing. It was already hot, even by Los Angeles standards, and Chris knew he would be in for a long day of sweating his glasses off his nose and wet stains under his arms. The air conditioning hadn’t worked in months, breaking down hours after the repair man came, every single time, and Chris was beginning to suspect the thing had it out for him. Personal vendetta by way of melting him to death.

He shook his head at his own foolishness and parked the cart at the far end of the aisle. Putting the books in their right places could wait until after he had his coffee though. The spiffy new coffee maker with the little cups had decided to join ranks with the air conditioning that morning and the old filter machine took forever to brew a pot. He’d added coffee grains and water at least half an hour ago, so he was fairly certain it would be done by now. Hopefully. When he stepped into the tiny kitchen next to the office behind the register, dark brown water was dripping off the counter and little bits of glass were scattered across the floor.

“Oh shit!”

So much for a nice, hot morning cup of coffee.

He had no idea how he missed the sound of the coffee pot exploding--he refused to believe it had anything to do with what his sister called “my-head-in-the-clouds-little-brother”--but he had, and now the kitchen was a mess of hot coffee slush and sharp pieces of safety glass that failed to be safe for anyone. He grabbed the nearest dish towel and pressed it down on the huge puddle of water on the counter that was looking like the pool of death. It was soaked instantly and Chris hastily looked around for another towel to mop up the water. He subsequently realized the coffee maker was actually still on and leaking water fast than he could clean it up.

“Ugh. Very clever, genius.”

“Talking to yourself again, mister Pine?”

Chris almost jumped out of his skin at the amused voice behind him and he spun around to face-- “Zach!”

Zachary Quinto was standing at the cash register smiling widely at him, his dog Noah faithfully at his side and white cane in his left hand as usual, just like he had every Wednesday since he moved into town three months ago. Zach always looked so well put together, handsome and collected. It never failed to make Chris feel like every inch the messy, bumbling geek that he was. How Zach managed to pull it off, Chris would never know, but he was just happy Zach couldn’t see the hot blush spreading from his cheeks to his neck, ugly splotches of red covering his skin.

Then again, Zach had heard Chris talk to himself before, numerous times actually, and he knew about Chris’s love for everything science fiction, not to mention how he stumbled over words and sentences whenever Zach talked to him, so there really wasn’t much else that could give away how much of an awkward person Chris was.

“I mean, hi! Hi, Zach.”

Zach’s smile softened and Chris wanted to groan. Great. Pity. That was all he needed to make this day even better.

Zach gestured towards the kitchen, tilting his head slightly, “Coffee mishap? Are you okay?”

There was amusement coloring his voice, but also genuine worry. Chris shrugged with a smile before he realized Zach couldn’t see the gesture.

“Uhm, yeah. Yeah, I uhm--the coffee maker with the cups decided to team up with the busted air conditioning and attempt mutiny this morning, and succeeded, and now the filter machine exploded and the kitchen is flooded with tiny pieces of not-so safe safety glass and coffee-ish water and--”

“Glass? Did you cut yourself?”

Chris shook his head, glad for Zach’s interruption of his rant. He knew he could go out on a tangent more times than not, especially when faced with the perfection that was Zachary Quinto, but he also kept forgetting Zach was actually blind and couldn’t see Chris’s shrugs and head shakes.

“Shit. I mean--no. I mean--”

Zach laughed and waved a hand in the general vicinity of the store. “Clean up, I can wait.”

Chris stood there staring at Zach and Noah, until Zach’s eyebrows drew together in a small frown and he cocked his head to the side. “Chris? Everything okay?”

It jerked Chris into action and he blushed deep red. For once he wished he was a suave, smooth kind of guy. One that would know what to say to get Zach to have coffee with him and maybe dinner sometime. Instead he was the kind of guy that proceeded to knock over the half-full pot of coffee drab so it landed on his shoes, before he wiped his dirty hands on his white shirt.

Which really wasn’t too bad, since Zach couldn’t actually see the mess he was in by the time Chris finally had everything cleaned up. But then Chris went to look for Zach’s order in the back, and of course he slipped in a small puddle of water he had missed and banged his head on the floor so hard his teeth rattled. A loud groan escaped him and the whole world grayed out for a second. He vaguely heard Zach call out his name, but when he went down he also bit on his tongue and the pain had him grit his teeth so hard it hurt his head even more.

“Chris, answer me! **Are you okay**?”

Noah’s wet nose nudged Chris out of his pain-filled haze and he squinted up to see a blurry Zach hovering over him, a worried look on his face, clutching Chris’s spectacles. At least Chris hadn’t broken them again. He groaned again, before hauling himself up off the floor and taking the glasses from Zach to slide them onto his nose. Pain made way for humiliation and Chris silently cursed at himself. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. It’s nothing--”

“Bullshit.” Zach challenged, “I heard you go down, that must’ve hurt. Did you hit your head?”

Chris gingerly touched the back of his head. It stung like hell and he was sure it would grow into a nice, big bump later, but there was no blood. “No. Well, not too bad. No blood.”

Zach reached out a hand at eye level, probably wanting to feel Chris’ head for himself, but Chris darted away. He didn’t think he could handle being that close to Zach right now, not with his head still spinning from the fall and his clothes a wet, smelly mess. He mumbled something about Zach’s weekly order and quickly turned tail for the stockroom.

Chris leaned his head against the stockroom window for a few moments, letting the relative coolness seep into his head. It didn’t help much, but it felt good anyway. Damn air conditioning. He felt like such a loser. Falling like that in front of Zach and then fleeing to the stockroom when he was only trying to help, but Chris was having a hard time thinking straight. He always suffered from a special brand of awkwardness on Wednesdays, when Zach came to the store, but today was extra special apparently.

He huffed a frustrated breath. “What did I do to deserve this kind of punishment? Huh? I’ve been a good boy! I don’t smoke, I call my mother regularly and I don’t sleep around. What more do you want?”

A few bangs in the pipes were his answer and he sighed. “Thanks. Good talk.” Chris knew he had to go back to Zach and give him the books he ordered, before Zach started to wonder what took so long and come looking for him. The bag was right where Chris had left it on Monday when they had arrived. Only one book this week; The Complete Works of Shakespeare. In braille. Chris sighed again. Naturally, Zach had awesome taste in books too. Just fabulous.

“Seriously, you can stop rubbing his perfectness into my face any day now.”

He grabbed the bag and made his way back to the front desk. Zach was standing where Chris had left him, a pinched expression on his face. Chris winced at the realization he put that there and his mouth ran off with him before he could stop it. “Sorry about that, I’m a klutz. Just having a bad day, I guess. I should have stayed in bed, really, but then you wouldn’t have been able to get your books and I would hate to have you come out all this way for nothing.”

He was fully aware he was nervously rambling, but the frown between Zach’s eyes had disappeared and made way for a small grin, so he figured he could let himself get away with it this time. He held out the bag to Zach with a wide, bordering on hysterical smile. He knew Zach couldn’t see, but he couldn’t help it.

“So, here you go! With added humiliation and a few brain cells from that fall. Awesome choice, by the way. I’ve read it so many times already! Probably even more than Lord of The Rings, but don’t tell Tolkien that. I love Shakespeare. Although my absolute favorite book is The Premature Burial by Edgar Allen Poe, but then again, everything by Poe is amazing. Have you read anything by Poe yet? I can order his complete works for you, if you want? It’ll take a while, but--”

“Chris?”

Chris snapped his mouth shut at Zach’s amused interruption, only now noticing Zach’s outstretched hand. Shit! He had been holding the bag for Zach to take, but of course Zach couldn’t see that! Chris blushed--again--and lowered the bag to hook it over Zach’s hand. Their fingers brushed lightly and Chris sucked in a startled breath. God, he really had hit his head. Why was he acting like a teenage girl? Well, more than usual around Zach anyway?

Zach took a small step closer to Chris and cocked his head again. Chris had come to know it as a sign that Zach was listening for something or was trying to figure something out. Usually it was accompanied by a question or Chris’s name, but this time Zach didn’t say anything. Instead, he hovered on the edge of Chris’s personal space for a few beats, before smiling. “Thanks for these. I can’t stay, I’m sorry, but I’ll see you next week?”

Chris was rooted to the spot, unable to move away from Zach, or generally just move, fearful of stumbling again, or saying something even stupider than usual. Instead, he went with the safe option a wide-eyed, enthusiastic nod.

Well, damn it.

Zach laughed and then backed away. He softly told Noah “let’s go, buddy” and made his way to the exit. He turned around on the doorstep and grinned at Chris. “Try rubbing alcohol, that should get the stains out.”

With that, Zach exited the store and left Chris to sag at the counter, letting his head fall on it with a loud thunk.

“Ouch.”

******

Chris tipped his head back with a groan. “I suck.”

“You should say that to Zach, not me.” Chris had his eyes closed and couldn’t see the smirk on Karl’s face, but he could hear it in his friend’s voice nonetheless.

“Shut up. Just check my head and send me home with some painkillers or something.”

Karl chuckled and Chris could hear him moving around his office. It was kind of handy to have a doctor as a friend, especially when you were a clumsy spazz like Chris and got hurt more than the average five-year-old, but right now Chris was grouchy. He had a killer headache and he really wasn’t in the mood for Karl’s inane jokes.

He startled when Karl suddenly lifted one eyelid and shone a light in, before quickly checking the other eye too. “Jesus, Karl! Warn a guy.”

“Shut up. You’re fine. No concussion anyway. I am however still concerned for your general mental wellbeing.”

“Noted. Again.” Chris groaned again as he got up, the change in position making his head pound even harder. He really needed a bed. “Now give me some pills and send me home. Please?” he added as an afterthought. He was pretty sure you shouldn’t piss off the person writing your prescription, even if said person was a friend.

Karl scribbled something on his pad and handed the note to Chris. “Just give it to Natalie, she’ll fix it for you.”

Chris had to admit, Karl was a good friend and not only when he was handing out drugs. “Thanks.”

He had his hand on the doorknob when Karl called out his name. “Go straight home. Take two of those pills and sleep, okay? No stopping for groceries or anything, just go home and rest.”

Chris nodded. “Will do.”

“And Chris?” Karl’s face softened. “Stop worrying about impressing Zach so much. Just be yourself.”

Chris chuckled humorlessly. “Did you not hear what I just said? This,” Chris gestured wildly at his disheveled self, “is what happens when I am being myself around Zach. I get into accidents, I say stupid shit and I embarrass myself so much, **I** can’t even look me in the eye! I turn into this gibbering idiot when he’s around. I’m never like that around you! Shit, I am such a failure!”

Karl shook his head dismissively, but he didn’t contradict Chris. “Trust me, Chris. Zach is really not that scary. He’s a nice guy, from what I can tell. I mean, he hasn’t said or done anything bad, has he?”

Chris sighed. “No. He is disgustingly perfect. Ineffable, gorgeous and funny. And he loves all the books I love! It’s not fair.”

Karl approached him with a very serious look on his face and Chris steeled himself for what was to come. Karl rested a hand on Chris’s shoulder and squeezed it softly. “You know you’re being a drama queen, right? You don’t need me to remind you?”

Chris slapped Karl’s hand away and scowled at him. “Suck it. And you’re giving my headache a headache. Don’t talk to me unless you have a useful suggestion, you bastard.”

With that, Chris did his best impression of a hormonal fifteen year old and huffed his way down to Natalie, Karl’s wife, at the pharmacy next door to fill his prescription. The last thing he heard was Karl shouting after him, “Just offer to read to him!”

A five-hour nap later, Karl’s words clicked into place.

“What did you mean, offer to read to him?” Chris asked into the phone, “Like read-read to him? Isn’t that a bit too--I don’t know, disney-prince-saves-damsel-in-distress-ish?”

Karl ignored him . “How are you feeling? Nauseous, dizzy, tired?”

“Impatient, confused and irritated, if you don’t stop being my doctor instead of my friend. True love is at stake here, man.”

Karl snorted down the line. “Okay, no more Bronte for you. Put down Wuthering Heights, Chris.”

“Fuck you. Why am I your friend again?”

“Because I have a prescription pad.”

“Exactly. And don’t you forget it. Again, what did you mean by offering to read to him? We’re not actually teenage girls, despite what you might think. And Zach reads braille. Why would he want me to read to him?”

Karl made a confused sound on the other end of the line. “Huh. He does?”

“What? What do you mean, huh?”

Confusion trickled into Chris’s mind. Months of ordering braille books for Zach, his weekly visits to the store to pick them up, Chris had just assumed--. Why else would he order that many braille books? It wasn’t for decoration.

“Well, Natalie ran into Zach at the supermarket not too long ago and he told her he just started learning how to read braille. They had this whole conversation about how hard it was and how he hoped he’d figure it out soon.”

“Huh.”

“That’s what I said! Anyway, I’m pretty sure no one learns that fast, you know? This was maybe three weeks ago. And he’s been buying books from you for much longer.”

Chris didn’t have to think very hard to remember the first time Zach came into the store. It had been a really cold day, the winter not yet completely defeated by the spring, and Zach had almost fallen into the store with Noah. They were both shivering, dog a little more than owner, but Zach hadn’t reached out to close the door and shut the weather out. Noah was pulling him further inside and Zach stumbled after him, unable to get Noah to stop. Chris had to close the door behind them, before hurrying after Noah to grab his leash and stop him in trek towards the kitchen in the back, where freshly baked scones from his mother’s oven were cooling off.

We Chris had come back from the kitchen with Noah’s leash tightly clutched in his hand, Zach had been on his knees scrambling around for his cane. Chris had helped him up and handed him the white cane back with a nervous chuckle. It was the last time Chris had seen Zach in a state of disarray, however mildly.

Zach had asked where he was and had immediately asked for books in braille when Chris told him he was at a bookstore. Chris had sold him one of the few braille books in stock and in a rare moment of clarity, offered to order Zach a few new books. Zach had smiled and rattled off a list of his favorite authors and books, while Chris had jotted them down for future reference. There was a short ramble about Chris’s favorite authors and how they matched Zach’s, but that was cut off by an impatient Noah almost pulling Zach off his feet again when a dog passed the store window. Chris had clamped his jaws together to stop himself from spilling more stupid facts and Zach had smiled at him indulgently. Chris had then shown Zach to the door and given him directions towards the supermarket, before watching him and Noah leave.

In the weeks that followed, Zach came to the store with Noah every week. Chris rambled at him about books, authors and a multitude of random things that Zach listened to with an indulgent little smile around his lips. At some point Zach would place a new order and leave with his bag of books.

Chris had never considered braille to be new to Zach. He was so confidently asking for books, Chris had just assumed Zach had been blind his whole life.

“Huh.” Chris muttered.

“I already said that. Are you always this eloquent after you’ve hit your head?”

It didn’t make any sense. “Why would he pretend to know braille and spend that much money on books if he can’t even read them?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he is stocking up for when he does learn?”

Before Chris could answer, Natalie yelled something at Karl that Chris couldn’t quite make out. “What was that?”

“Nat says he may have another reason for coming to the store.”

That made even less sense to Chris. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. Like what, Nat?”

There was a brief scuffle on Karl’s end of the line prior to Nat’s voice coming through clearly. “You stupid, clueless bastards. Chris, honey, have you ever considered the possibility that Zach comes to the store every week to see **you**?”

Actually, he hadn’t. “Uhm--no?”

Natalie chuckled fondly. “Well, consider it now. He doesn’t know how to read braille, yet he comes to your store every week to buy more braille books. He doesn’t use his computer to order them, but he walks fifteen blocks in all kinds of weather to buy them at **your store**.”

“But--Why didn’t he tell me he couldn’t read them?” His voice sounded small, even to his own ears. Whatever Natalie was getting at, he wasn’t sure if he could handle it.

“Maybe for the same reason you don’t want him to know you’re a closet Lindsey Lohan fan?”

Okay, now the world had officially stopped making sense at all. If Natalie was right, if Zach did come to the store every week just to see Chris, what did that mean? Did Zach want to see Chris? Did he want to hang out?

Did Zach like Chris?

A sound closely related to a squeak escaped Chris’s lips and Natalie laughed, addressing her husband as she handed the phone back to him. “I think he connected the dots. Talk him off the ledge, sweetie. My work here is done.”

******

Chris had to admit, he wasn’t a hundred percent sure Zach was actually interested in him like **that** , but Natalie made sense and after talking it through with an equally shell-shocked Karl, they both came to the conclusion that they should really start listening to Natalie more often. It made sense in such a simple way that Chris wondered why he had never thought of it before. According to Karl, Natalie had been chuckling about that remark randomly for days after the phone call, ribbing on them for being “silly boys”. Chris couldn’t take offence, knowing she was at least partially right.

He sure felt silly enough.

He had no intention of shying away from Zach. In fact, he had promised himself to make an effort to let Zach know he was interested too, but then Zach had breezed into the store the following week, looking all suave and handsome and smiley, and Chris had blanched. Somehow he had managed to get through their usual exchange, but Zach had picked up on Chris being distracted and called him it. Chris had stumbled over excuses until he nearly talked himself into an aneurysm, before promptly bolting out of the store in a panic.

That was three weeks ago.

Chris wasn’t entirely sure excatly why he was avoiding Zach, but he’d been successful all this time now and something prevented him from breaking the streak. He knew he was being daft, but he couldn’t bring himself to face Zach now that he knew--or thought he knew--what was going on. He even swopped his shifts so that he wouldn’t run into Zach on Wednesdays.

Karl told him he was being stupid, Natalie seconded that sentiment and John, Chris’s colleague at the store that shouldered most of the sulking and angsting and the extra hours, just rolled his eyes and told Chris to man up. John didn’t know Zach before, but now that he was working the Wednesday shifts, he got all the Zach face-time. According to John, Zach had asked after Chris each time and John was running out of viable excuses, that didn’t sound like obvious lies.

“I can only tell the guy you’re out with a cold so many times before he shows up on your doorstep with chicken soup, man. Just talk to him.”

Chris groaned and thumped his head against the History Non-Fiction shelf he was re-stocking. “I can’t. I make a fool of myself every time I try and that was before I knew he might like me!”

John sighed, but he slapped Chris on his back in a gesture of support. “Try harder man, it’s only a matter of time before he starts coming in on other days looking for you. You can’t avoid him forever.”

Chris huffed. “Watch me try.”

“Please,” John snorted, “Don’t. Even his dog seems disappointed when you’re not here.”

Chris lifted his head and looked at John hesitantly. “He looked disappointed?”

“Yeah, his dog and him, like he was really bummed you weren’t there. Which makes sense if he’s into you, right?”

Chris had to concede John was right about that. “Well, yeah. But what if he’s not? Into me, I mean.”

John shrugged. “Then you’ve been acting like a drama queen for nothing, for weeks now, not to mention a shitty person to Zach. And possibly Karl, but Karl’s a dick anyway.”

Chris chuckled. “I’d be offended in Karl’s place, but he knows it too.”

John was right, whether Zach liked Chris or not, Chris was being a shitty person and Chris didn’t do shitty. He might be a lousy cook and a terrible drinking partner, but most definitely not a shitty person.

Damn it, now he needed to talk to Zach.

After he finished procrastinating in the History aisle.

He was giving his inner wimp a stern talking-to, trying to muster the courage to pick up the phone and call Zach, when a familiar bark pierced the silence of the store.

There was another bark and Chris cursed softly. It was Monday, not Zach’s usual day to stop by, but Chris remembered John’s words from earlier. Apparently Zach had caught on to Chris’s tactic and adapted already.

Chris stayed hidden at the back of the store, praying to whatever deity was out there that Noah wouldn’t get loose and find him. He felt guilty for treating Zach the way he had, but at the same time he felt sick with nervousness about seeing Zach. He knew he’d never be able to hold up the lie in the face of him unprepared. He needed time to come up with the right words.

Of course the universe was against him, like always, and it didn’t take long between Zach calling out Noah’s name and Noah tearing into the History aisle, straight towards Chris. How Noah always managed to find Chris, he would never know. Noah was a great pet, but he wasn't the smartest dog when it came to normal doggy behavior, yet he always managed to track Chris down, no matter how far away he was. It was useful sometimes, like when Zach arrived and Chris wasn't at the desk, but it was mostly just freaky. Noah jumped up against him, wagging his tail excitedly, and Chris couldn’t help but grin and scratch Noah behind the ears.

“Hello Noah! Did you Houdini your way out of your leash again?”

There was a soft chuckle behind Chris and his heart jumped into his throat when he recognized it. “One of these days I’m buying him a harness. Padlocked and everything," Zach laughed.

Chris swallowed heavily, his brain frantically trying to come up with a proper response that wouldn’t give away his feelings. He came up blank and the silence quickly became awkward. Zach was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Noah had jumped back to the ground and was now sniffing his way along the shelf of German History. Chris wanted to hit himself in the face with a chair, repeatedly, for making things uncomfortable when that was exactly the last thing he wanted.

Zach seemed to make up his mind about something and before Chris could panic about what he would tell Zach when he asked, the questions were already out there. “How are you, Chris? John said you were sick with the flu. Are you feeling better?”

Chris opened his mouth to assure Zach he was fine--lie, basically--and that he was feeling much better, but all that came out was a stuttering garble of syllables. If he had to wager a guess, it was his brain’s frustrated noise for being unable to lie to Zach’s face, which really was a good thing, except when you really don’t want to admit the truth. Damn it.

Zach cocked his head, a small frown between his eyes as he tried to figure out what the sound was and Chris knew he had to act fast. Say something, anything, even if it wasn’t related to Zach’s question. Just-- **something** to prevent from blurting out what was sitting on the tip of his tongue.

“I know you can’t read braille.”

Shit.

Shock registered on Zach’s face in a flash and Chris could feel it mirrored on his own. The shock was accompanied by a rush of panic and the immediate desire to take it back, but he knew he couldn’t. It was out there. He’d said it, and now Zach would never want to see him again.

He had a fleeting thought that at least he hadn’t blurted out that he was in love with Zach.

“And I might be in love with you.”

Well, damn his brain always overpowering his own control.

Surprise replaced the shock on Zach’s face, but only for a second. Then a horrified look settled in its place and the world stopped. Zach’s mouth was moving--open and closed, which was extremely distracting--without making any sound and Chris could sympathise. He knew what Zach must be feeling right now, if Nat was right and Zach didn’t want him to know for the same reason Chris didn’t want Zach to know about his love for Lindsey Lohan. Shame, embarrassment, humiliation, disgrace.

Realization dawned and Chris gasped. “Oh no! No! I’m--I’m sorry, I didn’t--”

But Zach was already ordering Noah to him, scrambling for the leash and his cane before backing out of the aisle and the store. Chris hurried after him, frantically searching for words, sounds, sentences that would make it alright. Whatever would get Zach to stay and talk to Chris instead of the hurried escape he was now making.

“Zach! Zach, please stop, I--”

But Zach was out the door and gone. Just like that. Chris wanted to chase him down the street, like in the movies, stop him from leaving, make him see how much Chris cared for him, loved him. Zach would give in and they’d live happily ever after.

Jesus, Karl was right. He needed to lay off the sappy old books. He couldn't help but brush a hand over his crotch just to make sure he still had a dick.

It was useless and Chris knew that, so he merely stared after Zach and Noah, watching them until they disappeared from sight around a corner. The sinking, burning feeling in his stomach grew until he felt like he was gonna puke, his ears ringing and his breath shallow. He was almost hyperventilating when John pulled him back from the doorway, dragged him into the small office and gently pushed him down in a chair.

“Chris? Can you hear me?” John sounded worried.

Chris nodded dumbly.

“Good. Sit tight, I’ll get you some water.”

He nodded again. He didn’t care for water. He wanted Zach to come back and maybe, magically, to have found the right words, for once, to make Zach understand. Understand that Chris didn’t mean to out him like that, that he didn’t care if Zach could read braille or not and that Chris really was in love with him.

A cool glass was pressed into his hand and he took it without thinking. He could feel John hovering beside him, but he ignored him. There was nothing John could do, unless he could get Zach back to the store and willing to talk to Chris. Chris was pretty sure he couldn’t.

“You can’t, can you?” Chris mumbled miserably.

A confused silence followed and Chris sighed, defeated. “Never mind. Damn it, why can’t I just function like a normal human being?”

******

Four days. It had been four days since Zach walked out of the store after Chris so massively fucked up and called Zach out on his bullshit that wasn’t his to know in the first place. With a declaration of love thrown in too. It hadn’t been Chris’s best day. Zach hadn’t shown up on his usual Wednesday visit and nobody had seen him around town either. Chris was going insane with guilt and doubt and want.

There had been a lot of moping and angsting and sad movies, until he couldn't take it anymore. His mind was running in circles, trying to make sense of the past few months, Zach's behaviour, his own behaviour. He analyzed every little moment between them until he didn't know what was real and what wasn't anymore. He actually gave himself a headache trying to fit everything in what he thought was the truth of his world.

It never did.

He woke up on the fifth day with new-found determination. Today, he was gonna do something.

"Like what? Finally grow a pair and tell him how you feel?"

Chris shrugged non-commitingly at Karl's suggestion. It had actually crossed his mind, but he had dismissed it as quickly as his brain had supplied it. No way was he confessing his true feelings to Zach if he didn't know how Zach felt about him. Well, that is, confess more than he already had. And Karl knew that of course.

"Look, I know it's scary to put yourself out there like that, but you're never gonna get anywhere with Zach if you don't. And I know, remember? I’ve been there."

Chris chuckled at the memory. Karl had been head over heels for Natalie for years, before he got up the courage to ask her out. Natalie had known and she had actually expressed that she liked him too, but Karl hadn't taken it as a sign of anything, not even when Natalie blatantly asked him out. He had thought they were just friends hanging out, when Natalie had in fact meant for it to be a date. The confusion on Karl's face when she finally explained it to him had been priceless. It had taken Natalie a few fake dates with the most gorgeous guy she could find, for Karl to finally realize he might actually had to get moving, if he didn't want to lose any chance with Nat he might have had in the first place. It’s a good thing Natalie had known what an idiot Karl was and had waited for him to get a clue.

"Maybe it's time to take a chance, man." Karl nudged.

Chris shook his head with a sigh. He never took chances. He was a safe-bets kind of guy. Then again, nothing exciting ever happened in his life either, until Zach had blown into the store and turned his world upside down.

"What if he doesn't feel the same about me?"

"Then at least you know and you can go back to being customer and store clerk, or maybe even friends." Karl held up a hand to stop the rant Chris was gearing up for. "And don't say you can't be just friends if he doesn't feel the same way. Zach doesn't seem like the type to make it awkward. I know you would take friend over lover, if it meant you would still get to see him. Tell me I'm wrong."

Chris deflated. "You're not wrong."

Karl beamed at him and Chris rolled his eyes. "Shut up. So now what? How do I do this?"

An hour later he was standing in front of Zach's small Silverlake house, clutching his wel-worn copy of Shakespeare's Complete Works. An old version of the braille one Zach had bought the week before Natalie so ‘helpfully' had suggested Chris's life as he knew it, might not actually have been as he knew it. It was Karl's idea, showing up unannounced, but Chris had brought the book. He figured it might soften Zach up a little or maybe he could use it as a conversation starter. Worst case scenario, he could always use it as a shield if Zach decided to throw something at him.

He would have to ring the doorbell for any of it to happen though and so far he hadn't done anything beyond stare at Zach's door in terror. He and Karl had rehearsed what he would say, but now that he was seperated from Zach by only a thin, wooden door, the English language escaped him.

There was no movement visible through the front window, but Chris could hear muffled sounds coming from behind the closed door. Zach talking to Noah, no doubt. It soothed him somehow, knowing that some things were still the same. While he had been off angsting about his life, and Zach, and his crush and his big mouth, at least something still made sense.

Great. Now he started to sound like a bad existential novel.

With a deep sigh and a burst of self confidence he didn't know he had in him, Chris knocked on the door. Immediately, he felt nauseous and had to grit his teeth to distract himself from the overwhelming urge to turn on his heels and run away. No, he was doing this.

But Zach never came to the door.

Chris knocked again, a little louder this time. Panic slowly faded, replaced by confusion. Zach was home, that much was obvious, so why wasn't he answering? Chris looked around to see if no one was staring at him standing in front of a closed door like a lovesick idiot, but the street was empty. He leaned in and pressed his ear against the door. He could hear muted music, but otherwise it was silent.

"Zach?"

Nothing.

"Zach, I know you're home. I've been standing on your doorstep like a stalker for about ten minutes now and I could hear you talking to Noah. I can also hear Placebo coming from somewhere in the house and I know you'd never leave the music on if you weren't home. Please open the door?"

There was an answering sigh from the other side of the door, right by his ear, and Chris jumped back startled. His heart was pounding from the surprise of having Zach so close by and the sudden realization he was gonna have to talk to him for real. Explain, apologize, hopefully fix.

"I don't feel like talking right now." Zach’s voice was barely audible.

Chris stepped closer to the door again and leaned his shoulder against the frame. Zach sounded a little sad. Chris felt like shit. He put that note of hurt in Zach's voice.

"Look, I'm sorry, man. I really am. I never should have--I mean, I wasn't supposed to--I never meant--Fuck."

This was coming out all wrong. He didn't have the guts to finish any of those sentences, despite rehearsing them in his head for the past few days, and his nerves got the best of him. He ran an angry hand through his hair and stepped away from the door with a frustrated sigh. Damn his inability to speak normally. It was as if his brain stopped functioning whenever he was around Zach and, coupled with the uncomfortale situation he was in, he had no chance in hell of getting out the correct words, in the correct order, to make things alright between him and Zach. Even if it was just friends. Karl was right. Chris would take anything over never seeing Zach again.

Zach stayed silent. He didn't reply to Chris's stammering at all and Chris wanted to cry, he felt so bad for Zach. He knew he could make it right. Somehow. He just needed words. Sentences.

Like a book.

He hesitated only a second, a rush of inspiration overpowering his nerves, and he fumbled through the pages of Shakespeare's work looking for his favorite passages. Pushing his glasses up his nose, he started to read out loud.

"Noble Aufidius, take your comission, hie you to your bands; let us alone to guard Corioli. If they set down before's, for the remove, bring your army; but, I think, you'll find they've not prepared for us."

There was only silence on the other side of the door, but Chris could feel the air had shifted. He excitedly fist pumped for making a good decision, for once, before blushing at his own silliness and going back to the text.

"O, doubt not that, I speak from certainties. Nay, more, some parcels of their power are forth already, and only hitherward. I leave you honors, if we and Caius Marcius chance to meet, 'tis sworn between us we shall ever strike till one can do no more."

Chris realized his mistake too late. He loved Coriolanus, this scene so early in the play particularly, but the ending left Zach every opportunity to dismiss Chris for good. Chris soldiered on anyway, ignoring the sinking feeling in his gut in favor of trying to reach Zach with the meaning behind the words. He just prayed Zach would understand what he was doing too.

"The gods assist you! And keep your honors safe! Farewell. Farewell."

Silence, perpetual silence for so long. Chris could only take it as it was meant; Farewell.

He lowered the book with a soft sigh and stepped away from the door dejectedly. That was it. Zach didn't want to give him a chance. He fucked up beyond repair. An ache settled in his chest and Chris hung his head in defeat. He didn't have words of his own, the words he borrowed from others weren't enough and his actions had already spoken louder than words, and screwed everything up. He had no idea what to do now, but walk away and accept that he had broken whatever was between them before it even started.

He turned his back to the door, determined not to look back like a quivering little girl, and started to walk away slowly. A nudge against his leg stopped him.

"Hey Noah, how did you get out?"

Noah huffed and bumped his head against Chris's hand until Chris scratched him behind his ear.

"I let him out."

Chris turned to find Zach standing in the open door, looking pained. He waited, unsure of what to say and afraid to say the wrong thing, but Zach didn't seem to know what to say either. The silence dragged on, until Chris couldn't take it any longer. He opened the book again, flipped through it until he got to his favorite poem and just started reading.

"Even as the sun with purple-colour'd face had ta'en his last leave of the weeping morn, rose-cheek'd Adonis hied him to the chase; hunting he loved, but love he laugh'd to scorn. Sick-thoughted Venus makes amain unto him, and like a bold-faced suitor 'gins to woo him."

Zach's eyes were fixed on a spot slightly to the left of Chris. The pained expression had lifted, but Chris didn't know if he preferred the carefully blank look that had replaced it any better. He couldn't read anything off Zach and it made him nervous. But then a smile tugged on he corners of Zach's mouth and Zach nodded.

"I'll see you Wednesday."

Relief flooded through Chris and he grinned. "Okay. Yeah. Okay, sure. Thanks. I mean--yeah."

Zach called Noah to him and turned to go inside. Chris watched him go, until Zach turned back with a mock-stern look on his face.

"Go home, Chris. I don't want people thinking I have a hobo living on my front lawn. This is a nice neighborhood."

Chris barked a laugh. "Yeah, sorry about that. See you Wednesday then."

******

To say Chris was nervous when Wednesday rolled around was an understatement. He hadn't slept very well since that day at Zach’s house--who was he kidding, he hadn't slept well since he screwed up with Zach--and he was even more of a klutz than usual. He had no idea what to do or how to act when Zach showed up. They hadn't talked about anything and even though Chris felt he was at least forgiven, he had no idea where they now stood on the whole reading-thing. Let alone the love-thing.

John was watching him from the other side of the desk, bemused, and Chris scowled. "What are you even doing here, man? You’re off today."

John shrugged. "Are you kidding me? I wouldn't miss this for the world. This is the moment in Disney movies where the slow motion starts, the romantic music kicks in, the two lovers finally admit their undying love and fall into each other's arms." John smirked, "Or whatever gay version you do of that."

Chris laughed. John could be an ass sometimes, but he was a good friend and Chris was secretly thankful he was there, if only for the moral support and a helpline when he floundered. He was never more sure that he was gonna flail as soon as Zach would walk in.

A glance at the clock told him that Zach wasn’t due for hours. One thirty on the dot, every week. Chris secretly hoped Zach would be as nervous as he was, so nervous he would come hours earlier than usual, just because he couldn’t wait anymore.

Seriously, a few more days of this and Chris would really morph into a twelve year old girl.

But then the doorbell chimed and a familiar dog and man walked in. At ten fifteen, three and a half hours early. Chris heart skipped a beat. He felt his face heat up with what Zach’s early appearance could possibly mean and he knew he didn’t stand a chance not freaking out.

Chris heard Zach murmur “find Chris” to Noah and he couldn’t help but grin that Zach had taught Noah the command. Noah wasn’t a guide dog, but not for lack of Zach trying. Noah just never really seemed to take to it. So Zach just made use of his cane and kept Noah around for company. “Find Chris” was something Noah clearly had learned, because he dutifully led Zach to the front desk and nudged Zach’s leg with his behind when they were there. Zach smiled at Chris.

“Hey.”

Chris smiled back and he could feel it was too wide, too brilliant, to be anything but giddy. He saw John rolling his eyes at them, but he didn’t care. Zach was here, way too early to be casually early, and he was smiling at Chris like he meant it.

“Hi.”

Noah barked once and Chris laughed. “Sorry buddy, hello to you too.” He patted Noah on his head before focusing back on Zach who was still smiling at Chris, although his expression had softened a little into something fonder. Chris blushed and searched around for something to say, but Zach beat him to the punch.

“I ordered some new books with your colleague, John. Have they come in yet?”

That wasn’t what Chris expected. At all. Zach wasn’t the type to just bluntly address what had transpired between them publicly, but Chris thought they would at least acknowledge it had happened. He was pretty sure that Chris showing up at Zach’s house to read him Shakespeare, after declaring his crush on the man and ousting his secret, wasn’t something to be glossed over like it didn’t happen. He looked at John for clarification, but John only hitched his shoulders. Chris glanced at Zach quickly, but Zach’s expression was unchanged, before walking into the stockroom, completely baffled.

There was a bag sitting on the orders cart with Zach’s name on it and Chris picked it up. He was so deep in confused thought--why was Zach pretending nothing happened? Did Chris need to pretend that too? Had Zach really forgiven him?--he didn’t look inside, but simply carried it out to Zach. He rounded the front desk, eyes searching Zach’s face and body language for any hints at what was going on in Zach’s mind, and tapped Zach’s hand so he could take the bag from Chris.

“That’s not--You didn’t--” Zach stammered and pushed the bag back into Chris’s hands.

It might have been the first time Chris ever saw Zach struggle to find words. It jolted him out of his musings and he looked at John again for help. This time John was grinning and gesturing at the bag Chris was still holding. “Look inside.”

Zach nodded, a blush spreading underneath the stubble on his cheeks, startling Chris. Zach never blushed. Ever. Zach didn’t do embarrassed or ashamed or nervous, but it seemed today was a different day. Chris slowly opened the bag and peered inside.

_The complete works of Edgar Allen Poe_

Warmth spread through his chest when he recalled how he had rambled on about his love for Poe. Zach remembered. Zach bought it because Chris had said he liked it. Chris pulled the book out and opened it. “But--This isn’t--This is--”

If possible, Zach blushed even harder. He shifted from one foot to another, a nervous gesture Chris knew all too well, but had never seen on Zach before. It was cute.

“Yeah, I uhm--I was hoping you’d--You know. Read it to me?”

All of the air left Chris’s lungs as if he’d been punched, but in a good way. He could feel his eyes bugging out of his head, and he was infinately happy Zach couldn’t see him right now. John could though and the man dissolved into laughter when Chris turned panicked eyes on him.

“Go on. I’ll man the desk,” John gestured in Chris’s direction.

Chris hesitated, utterly unsure of what to do, or say, or feel. Was he allowed to hope for something? Was he allowed to feel something? And if so, how on earth would he go about it?

Again, Zach was the one to make the first move. “I believe you said something about The Premature Burial?”

Chris nodded before he realized Zach couldn’t see him. He really needed to stop that. “Fuck, yes! I mean--” He cleared his throat and forced himself to calm down to deliver a proper response.

“Yeah, it’s his best.”

Zach smiled and ducked his head. “Read it to me?”

There really was only one answer. “Yeah.”

Zach held out a hand and Chris stepped closer so Zach could use his arm as a guide. Zach dropped Noah’s leash, “No running away, you hear me Noah?” before turning back to Chris with a small smile.

“Thanks, Chris.”

And then Zach leaned in and touched his lips softly to Chris’s in a chaste kiss. Chris was sure he had just won the lottery.

**The End**


End file.
